The Kick's Too Wide on This One

One way to look at Dhan Dhana Dhan Goal would be to see it as the latest in the spate of sports movies that Bollywood's been churning out lately (Apne, Chak De India...). Another way would be to look at it as the latest "crossover" movie from a "young and fresh" director.

Of course, neither view would be accurate. For one, it is not a crossover film; it is instead a film targeted squarely at the desi population residing in the British Isles. It is based in the UK and deals with issues of desis based here. And it latches on to a sport that appeals to that section of the Indian diaspora.

Inherent in this choice of sport is also the difference from the other "sports movies": While Apne (boxing) and Chak De India (hockey) selected sports that are not necessarily the most popular among the masses, and deal with issues of sportspeople in these domains, Goal selects the sport (football) most popular among its target audience, and tries to ride on the formulae popularized by the numerous Hollywood movies on the subject.

The "Kabul Express" duo of Arshad Warsi and John Abraham is back in Goal. And like Kabul Express' Kabir Khan, Goal's director Vivek Agnihotri has smartly avoided putting any acting demands on John Abraham. There are only a couple of scenes where Abraham is expected to demonstrate some histrionic capabilities and, as expected, he delivers a big zero in that department.

Arshad Warsi, on the other hand, shows great maturity and versatility in a role that is relatively far removed from his core competence of comedy. Boman Irani is as dependable as ever in another addition to his repertoire of vastly diverse roles. Other supporting actors' performances are acceptable, except for that of Bipasha Basu, who hasn't grown at all professionally even after all these years in the trade.

And let's face it: just Boman Irani and Arshad Warsi can not power a film through, especially when the direction is as bad as in Goal. But to place the blame where it is due, the story and the screenplay are surely at fault here. Too bad for the director that he also shares credits for screenplay.

To be fair, the story concept is fine. It is conceivable that a dark horse would put all on the line, and come up from behind; that's what makes the sport so exciting. That the team members will rediscover themselves and re-evaluate their relationships is also a valid thread to follow. In fact, that is pretty much the story concept of every other American football movie.

The devil, however, is in the details. To begin with, the characters are not very well defined, though acceptable by Bollywood standards. What are not acceptable are the several incomprehensible turns of events. Several important events and turning points have been left unexplained or with loose threads.

Then, the way the whole premise of racism and discrimination is depicted seems to be very pre-1950s. This is not to say that there is no racism in Britain. Such a sweeping statement would most likely be untrue. But any racism that might be present is unlikely to be so rampant and blatant as several events are designed to convey.

Some parts are completely irrational and leave one completely incredulous. And of course, the "big surprises" don't surprise anyone.

All said and done, the direction is jerky and overly dramatic. And the uneven editing doesn't help.

Goal does have its moments, but they are more flashes in the pan than the silver lining behind the dark cloud. The scene depicting the crushing of the pride of the up-and-comer star Sunny Bhasin by the had-been, and now coach of a ragtag bunch, Tony Singh was a good thought, for instance. But it seems long drawn and boring because it quickly gets repetitive.

That said, there were a few moments that made me groan and the rest of the theater clap, whistle and cheer. Perhaps the director understands the psyche of the British Desi better than I do.

My verdict: Overall, a film best avoided.

Kabul Express - Get On Board

As Kabul Express started on its journey, I braced for a half-hearted but pretentious film by a rookie director, with some comic relief provided by Arshad Warsi.

My fears started to come true as the protagonists, who are Indian journalists, hitchhike to Kabul on a tank. That's right, ON a tank. As they go through what are supposed to be ravaged towns, I can't help but wonder why all this seems so sterile and staged. I wonder why everything and everyone looks so clinically antiseptic, like in Lagaan.

And then it dawns on me: it's the Indian directors' obsession with hygiene on the screen. I mean, come on guys. All your broken buildings look like under-construction structures. In some cases, they even look, dare I say, beautiful. Where are the smoldering houses? Where are the char-covered buildings and gore and grime dotted streets? Where are the soot-layered vehicles?

Why do your "destroyed" buildings look so new and fresh with not a speck of dust or soot on them. Why are your "broken" vehicles so spotless otherwise? Considering that many of the buildings are supposed to have been bombed, and most of the vehicles burnt, such inconsistency in "art direction" certainly undermines your credibility right at the beginning. I mean, even when you have bothered to paint the lower half of Kabul Express (the SUV) with a layer of earth, the rest of it is so spanking clean, that it demands suspension of disbelief.

One can't even take one's mind off it, because the scenes are so drawn out for what the director must have hoped was dramatic effect.

The cinematography is bewildering. On one hand, it does capture some fascinating landscape; on the other hand, many scenes, especially those with animated characters, are badly shot.

And the moment they show buzkachi, my head started churning with a flood of memories from Sylvester Stallone's Rambo III. Thankfully, the director somewhat redeems himself by not making any of the main characters play the gory polo-like game.

Surprisingly though, the film turns out pretty well. The director stays true to the story (his own) and the characters, perhaps a vestige of his documentary background. The concept itself is nothing new: disparate and often mutually antagonistic strangers are drawn together by the omnipotent force of circumstances, and they all learn and develop a strange bond (of a common misery?) in the process. However, Kabir has treated it with loving hands, and the backdrop of post-9/11 Afghanistan accords a certain intrigue to the plot.

The dialogs are efficient, realistic and sometimes witty in a very natural way. The acting is good, subtle, understated. Arshad Warsi probably gives his best performance so far. Salman Shahid is impressive. Hanif Hum Ghum and Linda Arsenio are efficient in their own ways.

I must admit that I was initially apprehensive about a film with John Abraham in the lead. Now, I have nothing against hunks in movies, as long as they have some semblance of an acting talent; John, of course, is not so fortunate as to have been bestowed with that gift. As it turns out, the director of Kabul Express is clever: he kept dialogs for and acting demands on John minimal. Shrewd move, Kabir.

The end was expected and quite predictable, but I wouldn't have it any other way; the film would have the exact same end, were I to make it. Even so, I did not expect the Pak-border scene with Salman Shahid to be that drawn out. I'd have preferred a third the footage.

Final verdict: Above average. Definitely watchable.