Ab Tumhare Hawale Watan Saathiyo: Because This Movie Has Killed Me

Just got done watching Ab Tumhare Hawale Watan Saathiyo, and it is a miracle that I've survived to write this review. No one should be made to endure the torture of sitting through the whole 3 hours of this flick. (Yes, I do realize that the movie was released in 2004 and my warning comes a little late in the day)

The first things you notice about the film are the rather tacky special effects and bad acting right upto when the ship has drowned completely during titling. I have no idea how much money they spent on the scene, but to me the production value seemed poor. And that's no compliment to the producer, who is also the director (and can't point fingures either way). I liked Anil Sharma's Gadar; in fact, I liked it a lot. But in this movie, he has evidently lost it completely.

The casting-coup that Sharma was so proud of at the launch of the movie is, at least in part, the reason for the pathetic end-product. In trying to give equitable parts to his megastars, Sharma loses grip over the story, and the slack builds to the extent of total loss of control.

Besides, the casting itself is far from perfect. While Amitabh Bachchan as the proud, patriotic, and authoritative Amarjeet Singh is great, Naghma is a complete misfit as Kunal (Bobby)'s mother. Bobby Deol and Akshay Kumar have matured as actors and look good as army officers, but Akshay simply lacks the voice and dialog-delivery required for some of the dialogs that have been handed to him. That is a shame, as for most part Akshay fits the role to the T. Ashustosh Rana is efficient and believable, as always. Danny Dengzongpa is his usual self in the small role that he is given. Sandali Sinha looks better than she did in Tum Bin and acts better too, but her timing is off.

The biggest problem of the movie is the plot, though. The film is confused about what it wants to be. Is it the coming-of-age story of a mischievious young Kunal, who has joined the army for family tradition but wants to fly off to America and make money? Or is it the tale of a brave officer Rajiv Singh, who is taken a prisoner-of-war shortly after leaving his wife behind, on the very date of his wedding (did someone mention "Border"?)? Perhaps it is the tale of defence advisor Amarjeet Singh, who is prepared to sacrifice everything - even his son and his grandson - for the nation. Or maybe it is the story of Pakistan army's Colonel Ashfaque Khan who achieves enlightenment and "reforms". The film tries to do too much, and in the process ends up doing nothing.

It has so may sub-plots that it seems to be a collage rather than a single coherent entity. Perhaps the director wanted to keep the audience at the edges of their seats, but the "twists in the tale" act as mere distractions, and do not provide any thrills at all. Ditto for the one-joke acts of Vivek Shauq and Rajesh Vivek, that are thrown in for the obligatory comic relief. Way too many songs don't help the cause either.

The pace increases somewhat in the last quarter, but by then the convoluted storyline has worn you out, and you have either trashed your television or killed yourself. To be fair, the story concept is not that bad and I may even have liked it had it been used to write a novel; it is just not a good movie unless the first 2 hours are compressed to 1 hour.

The make-believe situations do nothing to make me believe them. The research is rather lamentable, as is almost standard for Hindi films. While, to its credit the film has mostly used the correct army uniform and insignia, it flops miserably when it comes to research on army operations. Though Kunal Singh is depicted to be in 10 Para Battalion, a special forces paratrooper commando battalion also known as Red Devils, his operations are those of the infantry.

No realism has been attempted through make-up and special-effects, either. The war scenes and dingy PoW camps were prime opportunities to show-off any vision or ability to provide a remote semblance of reality. But Askhay loses no limbs in bomb explosions, sustains no hideous-looking wounds even though he is on top of his petrol bomb exploding over Pak-ammunition, and is not so much as scarred by the "chemical tests" in the PoW camp. Apparently, the worst that could happen to you in a Paki PoW camp is that you won't get a barber for 2 years. Similarly, all Bobby Deol sustains in the war are mere rashes, even though a grenade explodes right at his feet.

The "peace-talks" scene is banal and boring, and it is rather disconcerting that the Indian and Pakistani representatives address the US representative as if he is in a position of authority, though the dialogs are purportedly directed at the "international community". I have to admit, though, that I loved the jingoistic and clever pre-meeting dialog where the Indian representative tells the Paki counterpart, "Teen baar to hum kar chuke hain yuddh mein, abki baar kya chahte hain (aap)? Chautha?" *We've beaten you three times already in war. What do you want now? Funeral (it is a wordplay - chautha can be translated to mean either "fourth" or a post-funeral ritual)?*

Shaktimaan's dialog is melodramatic and mostly impactful though it comes across as corny on occasion. Some of Akshay Kumar's numerous "shers" (couplets) are pretty good, actually:

अबके सावन में ये शरारत हमारे साथ हुई
हमारा घर छोड़ के सारे शहर में बरसात हुई
Abke saawan mein ye shararat hamare saath hui
Hamara ghar chhod ke saare shehar mein barsaat hui
(This year's monsoon has done a mischief with me
It has rained in the entire city except for my thirsty house)

चलो, हम अपना हुनर आज़माते हैं,
तुम तीर आज़माना, हम जिगर आजमाते हैं
Chalo, hum apna hunar aazmate hain,
Tum teer aazmana, hum jigar aazmaate hain
(Let's test our respective skills
You test your arrows, I'll test my heart/courage)

हूँ मैं परवाना, मगर कोई शम्मा तो हो, रात तो हो,
जान देने को हूँ हाज़िर, कोई बात तो हो
Hoon main parwana, magar koi shamma to ho, raat to ho,
Jaan dene ko hoon haazir, koi baat to ho
(I could be a moth, only if there was a flame at night,
I could die for you, only if you had the charm)

The girl says: मैं कुछ अर्ज़ करना चाहती हूँ Main kuchh arz karna chahti hoon ( I want to say something)
अब इन खातून से क्या खेलें,
ये तो अभी से अर्ज़ करने लग गईं
Ab in khatoon se kya khelen,
Ye to abhi se arz karne lag gain
(How can I keep playing with this lady,
She is already appealing for mercy - wordplay...arz can be translated to either "say" or "petition")

Finally, while the film is dedicated to Indo-Pak friendship, and even ends with that premise, the concept is used obviously superfluously in the film. A kind Subedar Abdul and a "reformed" Colonel Ashfaque Khan are the token nice Paki guys, apart from the faceless Pakistan government that comes around.

My verdict: Avoidable. Borderline, if compressed to 2 hrs.

Fanaa: The Death of Sensibility

Fanaa means destroyed (or destruction) or dead (or mortality/death). As is the case with poetry, here the word is used in the sense of sacrificing oneself to the extent of complete destruction (yes, I do notice the redundancy of "complete" here).

The movie is about (you guessed it) love and sacrifice. And as it quite explicitly labors to convey, it is also about making difficult decisions; choosing between the right and the wrong is easy, but choosing the better among good paths and the proper among the wrong options, that's what defines our lives.

So far, so good. To start off on a high note, Shibani Bathija's story is quite good, and had a lot of potential. And writing stories is what she should stick to, as her screenplay is a wreck. Kunal Kohli's dialog is mostly just plain bad and bombastic. I did get one gem, though: Insaan ki khwahish ki koi intihaan nahi, do ghaz zameen chahiye do ghaz qafan ke baad (There's no limit to man's desire; he wants six-feet of land after getting six-feet of coffin).

Some people might say that Kunal Kohli earned his spots in direction with Hum Tum, but judging from this film, I'd say he should dump his megaphone. Film-direction is not his cup of tea. This movie is pretentious, inadequately prepped, and tackily treated. And there are some rather glaring inconsistencies too. For instance, in the latter half of the movie "the storm" stops for some work, and for a song, but Rehan, who supposedly had been stalled by the storm, doesn't get on with his mission. The storm itself is badly executed - from a mean, long snowstorm, one would expect at least knee-high snow on ground, and a thick layer of snow on porch railings and windows. Guess what? No shovelling required at all!

Nobody ever explains how Zulfiqer Ali Beg figures out that the "electronic part" in Rehan's jacket is a "nuclear missile trigger". Similarly, why Zooni, with newly-gained eyesight, is asked to identify Rehan's body, remains a mystery. There were so many people - the coworkers, the girls, and presumably the neighbors - Rehan was supposed to know well and weren't called in, that one just has to wonder how much thought and effort the director actually put into pre-production.

The attempt to create an FBI-CIA sort of jurisdiction tension between Bureau of Military Intelligence and RAW is totally lame. And there is no depth in the characters of RAW psychologist Tyagi and BMI Anti-terrorist unit chief Sushil Rawal, or even in the operations and methods of these agencies. The comparison of the terrorist organization IKF to CIA, KGB, Mossad and RAW is simply ludicrous.

The action scenes are the worst. The filmmakers' attempts to rip-off classy action-sequences from films like the James Bond movie The World is Not Enough come across, at best, as poor imitations, and rather hokey to be frank. Rehan's invincibility is reminiscent of Tauheed's in Hindustan Ki Kasam. Now, I have no problems with the protagonist being an incredibly good fighter, and almost invincible. But to achieve that effect, the scenes have to be shot right; this movie's presentation is ridiculous, and I draw the line at unconvincing. And I won't even bother to divine why, when the chopper has to be shot down in the climax, the honors are done by the RAW psychologist, not some army sharpshooter.

For most part the movie takes a very predictable path. Let me be clear here: I have nothing against predictability. There have been many movies that have taken the beaten path and yet proven to be delightfully entertaining. But almost by definition, a mystery or a thriller can not be a good movie if the viewers can anticipate what's going to happen next.

Quick comment on production design: Not good. One example: The looks for Aamir's two avatars are clearly "inspired" by Hrithik Roshan's double-role in Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai. But plagiarism was never a sin in the Indian film industry.

This movie is about as realistic and convincing as the Sunny Deol-strarrer The Hero. And the music of The Hero was better. Which is a pity since The Hero's music was no great shakes while Yashraj Films' productions have typically had exceptionally good music that goes on to become super popular. Not here, though; Jatin-Lalit's score is uninspired, and the only tunes worth humming are the ones "borrowed" from previous hits.

The acting is above average. Kirron Kher and Rishi Kapur are appropriately cast as Zooni (Kajol)'s parents. They deliver convincing performances, as has come to be expected of them. Kajol is a complete misfit as a Kashmiri girl, but her acting somewhat makes up for this casting error. Aamir Khan was probably the right choice for the role of Rehan. Unfortunately, his acting oscillates between the extremes. For the most part, he is Aamir Khan. But occasionally, and not very often, he magically dives into the soul of the character, and then the result is mesmeric. Tabu and Sharat Saxena are miscast, given underdeveloped characters, and made to look like idiots. They do whatever is expected of them, but don't you look for stellar performances; you aren't about to get any. Jaspal Bhatti is in for one joke, and is completely wasted. You won't even notice Lara Dutta. Master Ali Haji playing Rehan Jr., is a disappointment. Normally, child-artistes deliver performances even better than seasoned professionals; this performance is one of the worst I have ever seen on screen.

Don't get me wrong. Fanaa does have its moments. The climax scene where Rehan turns around to shoot Zooni is one of them, however clichéd and predictable it might be (not to mention badly shot). But here's the problem of this movie: As a thriller, it never makes you slip to the edge of your seat; as a drama, it never touches your heart and soul.

Final verdict? Fanaa just about slips through the cracks to qualify as barely watchable.